i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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