Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
