I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
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when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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