I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
