omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
