Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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