he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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