Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My feet surprised me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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