we have officially lost it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
