dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize