took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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