can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
