Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
