So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
