were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
