You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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