I'm sorry my penis didn't work
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
