I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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