Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
