Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
two words: eviction party
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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