I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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