Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
