I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
