My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
