My hand turned me down
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
