just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
