she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
