Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
