Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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