i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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