Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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