those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
