i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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