Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
