a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
