wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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