know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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