Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no you cant smoke seaweed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
