she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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