I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
