girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
