I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize