she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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