Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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