what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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