My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Found your dick twin last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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