Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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