Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
