i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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