You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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