she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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