Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
