Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize