somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You took a bar mat shot.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
