im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
