can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
