M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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