I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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