why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
