Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
