i love accidental penises.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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