Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...