aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.