I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?