the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
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Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.