so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.