Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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