Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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