did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
