The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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