Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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